Mexico native Ryan Varner remembers the first night he finally decided to go to the Audrain County Shelter Resource Center (ACSRC) to seek help.

“I slept about two hours and I was uncomfortable,” Varner told the Ledger.

Varner is currently in the ACSRC’s transitional housing program that started earlier this year and is one of the program's first products and a success story the program can showcase and give hope to others seeking help.

Varner’s path began when the pandemic hit and he lost his job and found himself at home. Varner relapsed into some bad habits and his family broke up. He then found himself living at his mother’s house but things went sour and he ended up in the couch surfing lifestyle of drugs and alcohol.

Varner soon found himself in legal troubles and eventually a new home at the Audrain County Jail where he spent 42 days in confinement beginning in late December. Varner eventually was released and had a place to stay but things quickly went bad and it was back to the streets. Varner sought out a familiar place but when he got there things didn’t seem right.

“I knew the moment I walked in that wasn’t something I wanted to do anymore,” Varner said. “I wanted something better. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

Varner said he didn’t know why he didn’t go to the shelter before. Maybe in his mind, he was too proud to go. Regardless, in his mind he had made a turn and wasn’t going back.

“I didn’t want to go back to the life I was living before I went to jail,” Varner said. “Before it was difficult getting to that point because I didn’t have any support.”

At the ACSRC Varner found exactly what he needed. He was able to get a job at Sonic and within three weeks he was accepted into the transitional housing program where he met his case worker Tina. In addition, there were also other people at the center in the same situation he could lean on.

“I had people who were there supporting me and people who were there cheering me on and it helped me get through that rough buffer period and it’s gotten me to where I am now,” Varner said. “Physically they took me in and then emotionally and mentally they took me in and started helping me through those things just by being there and caring about me and my situation and wanting me to get better.”

Varner, who has a new job now, also found support at Sonic that he says continues today. He said Sonic knew his situation and provided support financially and emotionally as well.

“That was a job I got paid to be there and I got a lot of support there,” Varner said. “Between Sonic and (the ACSRC) are the two places in the world that kept me going in the direction that I really wanted to go.”

Varner said if he hadn’t chosen to go to the shelter he might not be here today.

“I would have been back out in the streets and I would have been feeling the same way,” Varner said. “It could have taken a worse turn. I was at such a point with my wits end that I didn’t want to continue.”

To say the experience has humbled Varner would be selling short. Varner said it was something he never thought about happening to him.

“I finally got to feel what I’ve judged other people for,” Varner said. “We’re litteraly out here starving and trying to survive. It’s a game of survival in a place where we don’t have an opportunity.”

Before getting into transitional housing Varner said getting into the shelter finally provided him a chance to take a breath and get cleaned up. He said people can take for granted things like clean clothes or being able to brush your teeth. Varner said getting through every day is a challenge for a homeless person.

“It’s making it from sun up to sun down,” Varner said. “People think when you’re just out walking and stuff that it’s just hunky dory and everybody is having fun doing it. It’s not like that. It’s literally a battle to find what you’re going to eat. It’s a battle to find somewhere you can stop and rest. It’s a battle to find a place to get warm and just find basic human necessities. The whole day is a fight against the elements. It’s a fight against the public eye, so to speak, biased and unbiased.”

Most people in Varner’s situation would shy away from the public eye but he thinks it’s important to share his story. Varner is in a good place mentally and he has his two older children back with him full time and has half custody of his youngest.

“A lot of people want to be private about a situation that’s completely misunderstood,” Varner said. “That’s part of the problem why people can’t come out of it. Somebody needs to talk about it.”